He hates sitting alone in his chambers at night with the knowledge that Lan Wangji is spending the night with someone else. He cannot bear Lan Wangji's children, so he must ensure that someone does. He must sire children on them to secure the line of succession.Īnd Wei Wuxian, as Empress, must stand at his side and support this, even encourage it despite his own misgivings.

He must take a concubine from every allied nation and border tribe as a mark of respect, must show them favour by calling upon them and performing his duties as a husband, bestowing gifts and honours upon them even if he feels nothing for them. Everything is dictated by rules, by etiquettes, by customs, by politics, by power. He cannot lead an ordinary life, with an ordinary job, ordinary marriage, ordinary concerns. In hindsight, that had probably been his first mistake. Don't leave me alone.'Īnd Wei Wuxian had taken his hand, and promised to never leave him alone. 'It is terribly lonely here at the summit, Wei Ying. 'The Emperor stands at the summit of a great mountain, towering over his subjects, watching and guiding his people.' His eyes grow dim, clouded by shadows of doubt and uncertainty. He's only ever wanted to be with the man he loved.īut then Lan Wangji had turned to him with those golden eyes and held out his hand. Nor has he any desire to rule over a harem of men and women who-thanks to said rules and etiquettes-have little else to occupy the long, empty days of their lives aside from petty schemes and power games. Wei Wuxian has never wanted to be Empress, has no desire to be restricted by the etiquette and rules of the three palaces and six courtyards within the inner court. 'Not today,' he says, closing his eyes as a wave of fatigue washes over him. Wei Wuxian coughs again, thick and wet, and turns from the window to take another sip of tea. 'Will you not go outside, Wei- zhu'er?' he asks. Such loyalty and devotion is rare in the inner court, and he knows better than to squander it.

They could have opted for better prospects with more favoured masters, and yet chose to remain here with him in what may well have been an endless confinement. He does not begrudge them this little respite from their duties-it is the least he can do to repay them for the devotion they have shown him these past three years.

The handful of servants still attending him are milling in the courtyard, tasks forgotten in the excitement of the occasion. He turns to peer through the gap in the window. But now that it is really happening, he finds he cannot muster even a sliver of joy. Perhaps he would have run out into the courtyard, eager to witness the moment the chains slid away, and the heavy red gates parted to finally, finally allow him access to the world beyond his prison. Three years ago, the news would have been met with elation, or even anticipation. In the last three years, he had dreamed up dozens of similar scenarios. He coughs into his sleeve and reaches for the cup of tea on the side table, leaning back against the cushioned armrest to take a sip just as Wen Ning shuffles into the sitting room with a quick bow. In the spring of his third year in confinement, Wei Wuxian is stirred from his thoughts by a commotion in the courtyard.

My spring days of my life